Larry the Cable Guy and Owl Fingers

by Barry Freed on October 11, 2010

When there's a Patriots game on, I get a little too “into the game”. I can't sit down, and am constantly pacing.

Just yesterday, we had a bunch of friends over to watch the Patriots beat the Bills, and I was standing while everyone was sitting.

That last sentence isn't as useless as it sounds….foreshadowing.

A Larry the Cable Guy commercial came on, and I kind of lost it. I

just don't understand how a guy invents a stupid redneck character as part of his act, and makes that his identity.

And here's where you're thinking “You're an idiot. He's filthy rich, and does the character for the money, obviously.”

Which is exactly what I'm getting at. I understand that getting paid gobs of cash to act like a moron isn't the worst deal in the world. But at some point you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say “I have enough money for 4 lifetimes. I think I can now stop pretending to be a fool, and be myself now.”

Back to yesterday…..

As if standing on a stage to give an acceptance speech to a room full of people, I was trying to convey that message in the most succinct and clear message possible. Failing miserably, I said something like:

I get pretending to be a redneck for a little while to get rich. But at some point, you have to get sick of it. Let's say you find a job where you get paid millions of dollars to get dressed up in a bear suit, but the entire time you're getting fingered by an owl. Sure, you are getting paid a lot of money, but at a cost. You're getting paid, but having an owl's finger up your ass constantly just isn't worth it at some point.

Granted, owls don't have fingers. And my similes are terrible.


On Not Hating Cops

by Barry Freed on October 11, 2010

So, with all of the attention that last post has received, I think I really need to state something that should be fairly obvious: I don't hate cops.

The way it all went down really pissed me off. I didn't show it through the entire ordeal, as I

knew the only way to get out of the situation would be to keep my mouth shut. Say a lot of “yes sir”, “no, officer.”

And getting thrown in cuffs while passersby only stoked the fire. But though it enrages me to say it, and the way it was executed wasn't the best, the guy was only doing his job.

Now that statement is a tough one. Anyone can say “I'm only doing my job”, and use that excuse to justify basically anything at all. But when it comes to cops, well, they probably have a lot more wiggle room.

Until last week, the fiancee and I used to watch shows like Lockup: Raw, and when a prisoner would complain about the conditions in jail, I would always say “Hey, I've got an idea. If you don't like jail, don't commit crimes.”

I can't say that anymore, because I've found out that you can be thrown in jail at any time for no reason whatsoever regardless of whether you've done anything whatsoever.

But after I paid around $700 to get out of the horrible situation, I looked at everything with a level head. I never would have been pulled over if the RMV hadn't completely screwed up. Now, it's not as easy to get pissed off at a faceless, nameless bureaucracy that operates simply to make everything difficult for anyone to drive a car, but really, that's where the blame lies.

I'm not under any delusion that this little blog will get a ton of attention, but at the same time I'm a little bit paranoid that I'll now be a target for the cops that took me in. Okay, I am absolutely paranoid and it would be ridiculous to believe that a blog post would get me a giant bullseye that makes every cop around decide to pull me over without any reason.

So that's that. I believe that police officers- in general- are decent human beings that do want to put the bad guys away and help the good guys. And if something happened where I- or someone around me- needed help, regardless of what I went through, I'd still call the cops.

I'd just make sure I wasn't in a car.

BTW- I wish there were a hotline that I could call every day to make sure my license is in good standing. I would call every morning when I wake up.

Seriously, I would.
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