tellhimfred.com

I got thrown out of a bar in New York City. Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don’t mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door together, and I said, “Bye everyone, I gotta go!” Six bouncers picked me up and hurled me out of that bar like I was a Frisbee. Those big old New York bouncers that think about bouncing. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. They go home at night and watch Road House and fondle themselves.

Last night we went to the Liquor Store, the bar in Boston where they give you beers in paper bags, and they have a mechanical bull. Other than their one gimmick, the bar just plain blows. Everything I hate about those “young professional” bars in one convenient location.

I got there first, and a couple of friends met me there. One of them called our friend Logan, and asked him to come meet us there. Unfortunately, when he arrived, he was wearing sneakers. And you should know, any place that is classy enough to feature a mechanical bull and put beers in paper bags frowns on sneakers. You have to be kidding me.

So, we try the sneaker switch. Kristina took Chip’s shoes and went outside to give them to Logan. Logan puts them on, and they let him in. Since we’re sitting down at a table, no one is the wiser. They switch their shoes back. But, when we decided to get up to go to the main bar area, I knew it was only a matter of seconds before Logan would get tossed.

We stand up and take one step, two, and ….

A bouncer grabs Logan and tosses him out. Chip, Kristina, and the others were just going to say the hell with Logan. They wanted to stay. So I left them to go out with Logan.

We went to another bar down the road and had a couple of beers. By this time, it was getting late, so I said goodbye to Logan and went back to retrieve Kristina. I went up to the doorman and showed him my stamp to get back in. He tells me “Go over there,” pointing to the roped off area where the line would have been. Mind you, no one was in line or outside whatsoever. So, I take a step toward the area he was pointing to, and the other guy literally throws me. Just shoves me and asks me “What the fuck are you doing, man?”

I pointed to the doorman and said “Going where he just told me to go!”

The guy just looks away, then looks back at me. He motions for me to come over to him. He looks at the stamp on my hand and says “Okay. Go ahead.”

What a dick.