tellhimfred.com

Well, today I took sick day #2. I went to bed last night at like 9:30, and had an awful time sleeping. Constant coughing, running nose, etc. So this morning I woke up at like 8:00. Since my car has been out of commission (and will be fixed on friday finally), I’ve been riding to the train with my neighbor. She leaves at 7:30, so this morning I slept through two alarms and at least 3 phone calls from her.

At 8 something, I emailed my boss, telling him that I needed to get at least an hour of sleep, and then I’d come in. Luckily, he told me that the newsletter that was to go out this week has been pushed to Monday. He said I should take the whole day off. Awesome. When I was at work yesterday I stood at least 15 feet away from him at all times, since my constant coughing risked passing my germs to him. He thanked me for staying that far away from him, and told me that his two little kids thanked me too.

So I went back to bed and woke up well after 11 am. Sleep is going to make me all better. Sleep and ginger ale.

I’ve heard this in the past, and was mulling the following thought over: are guys more whiny than girls when sick?

I’ve heard many girls say this. When guys are sick, they are extra-pathetic. I tend to agree with that thought, as when I actually admit that I am “sick”, it’s like I don’t even try to do the little tasks that are so ridiculously easy in normal everyday life. Laundry? Nope…I’m sick. Dishes? I don’t think so….I’ll do that when I feel better. I mean, it’s not the 1800s, I have a washer/dryer and a dishwasher. It would only take a push of a button, but the excuse of being sick is a license to procrastinate. And I plan on using this license to the fullest.

Believing in the theory that guys are whinier than women while sick made me think of other theories that I agree with. Theories that I take a side on without any empirical evidence whatsoever. These are things I believe although I’ve put no research into.

1. No one drives correctly……just me. People either drive much too fast, follow too closely, pump the gas continuously, don’t pay enough attention to other drivers, listen to music too loud, don’t signal, are too impatient at stop signs and lights, etc. I think I am the perfect driver, and I have absolutely no reason to believe this.

2. The time it takes for food delivery is dependent on the type of food being delivered. For examle:

Italian food: They will say 30 minutes, and if you call back in an hour, they’ll tell you they just left. Add at least 15 minutes to anything they say.

Chinese Food: They’ll tell you 30 minutes, but you’d better have your money ready before you hang up the phone. Chinese delivery drivers are unique in that they’ve found a way to disrupt the fabric of the universe to deliver your food faster than the speed of thought. I often think that if I open the door after deciding to order Chinese, the delivery driver would be outside just wasting time until he felt it had been long enough to disguise the super power.

Pizza: This is always the longest. Always. And I can understand…I would imagine that pizza joints have the most deliveries to make, so it should take a little longer than others. But I feel that should be reflected in the estimated arrival time given over the phone. Pizza deliveries are the only kind of delivery food that can warrant four phone calls. And when the driver finally arrives, they always look like they’ve been through a war to get you a pie. Their look always says “You have no idea what I’ve been through just to get you this pizza. Yeah, it may be late, but I lost a lot of blood.”

3. Being paid hourly instead of salary is a built-in excuse to not get a haircut during the day. It also puts off things like dentists appointments and going to the doctor.

4. When you take a sick day, if you have to go somewhere you may bump into a co-worker, you immediately turn into an elusive ninja. If I go in to Boston today, I will make sure to stay clear of any logical location where a co-worker might see me.

5. When you are sick, facial hair grows at a significantly faster rate. It’s the body’s way to prove to the world that you’re actually sick. You seem extra disheveled because, well, if you’re too lazy to do laundry and dishes, shaving is out of the question.

These are my thoughts. Feel free to comment. In fact, I implore you to do so….I’ve got nothing better to do right now than read comments.