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Okay, so I admit it. I have absolutely zero to talk about today. So I went back to the archives (a notebook I found from about a year ago) and found a series of blog post ideas I’d had but never got around to writing. There are at least ten of them that I can now go to when I’m having a creative slump. Almost none of them apply to any of my current situations, but hey, who cares, right?

So, with all that said, here’s the first.

We all know there are rules and ethics we abide by in life. There are certain things we take for granted though they are not written laws, and they’re usually based on context. You may tell certain jokes with your friends in your living room that you would refrain from telling at work.

Dating and pursuing any new relationship is no different. There are rules to follow, subrules, and points of contention debated by our most learned scholars. A few examples:

Communication

1. The initial phone call- After first meeting, the first phone call shall not occur until at least 24 hours after parting ways. One school of thought would give it 4 days, but I believe that most would set a one week limit at the other end of the spectrum. Under one day is much too eager, over a week, and you’ve missed your window.

2. email- An initial email can be much more casual and informal than a phone call, and can allow the sender the time to give it thought and care. However, sending an email is wrought with peril. First, you have to make sure you aren’t emailing out of the blue. You must first have the email. Otherwise you are immediately creepy. Second, if you send an email and don’t get a response, you cannot just send another one. Bad idea.

3. Text messages- I kind of hate this one. Text messages are the bridge between email and a phone call. It’s saying “yes, I have your phone number, but I don’t quite have the balls to pull the trigger.” The text message, to me, is a lot like 1% milk: why bother. Pick either skim or 2%.

4. Myspace messages- Probably the worst of all. Though it gives you the ability to see if the recipient has actually read the message, the myspace message is the easiest to ignore or simply forget. The myspace comment, however, is harder to ignore, though it is also very risky. If you come off as a tool, all the recipient’s friends can see that.

Conversion

1. Meeting up- This all depends on how you initially met the person. If you’ve met someone in person and made plans for a future date, that date should take place no less than 5 days away, no matter what. If you have not made plans, but just exchanged numbers and then chatted (online or via phone), that number increases to one week. Minimum.

Definition

1. Definition at the beginning of any relationship is one of the most difficult issues. The question of definition is always in the back of the mind. This question does not have to be “what is this person to me?” It can simply be “Is this worth doing?” or “Where is the fire exit?” Definition is a topic that shall not be breached until at least the 5th time you are together.

2. Once the topic of definition comes up, thou must give an honest answer. That is, unless you are compelled to lie. Kidding. An honest answer is a must here.

Never Do The Following:

1. Send an unsolicited email- poaching someone’s email address from google or from a forwarded message is an absolute no-no. Don’t do it.

2. Send an unsolicited gift- It may sound like a great, romantic idea. It’s not. It’s creepy.

3. Give a blog shout out- Seriously, do I need to explain that?

4. Bother a mutual friend for advice- dude, come on.

5. Spend too much time thinking about it- any time spent thinking of something you have control over is wasted. But if you can figure out how to accomplish this, let me know.

Okay, please add any that you have. This has been the first in a series of old blog post ideas resurrected from the past. Others in this series include: The Rules of Dating Part Two: Conversion, The Rules of Dating Part Three: Cohabitation, The Rules of Dating Part Four: Meeting the Family, The Rules of Dating Part Four: Breaking Up.

These are not meant to be advice. Far from it. They are instead small nuggets of knowledge collected over a lifetime of mistakes, missteps, and observations of excellence. Do what I say, not what I am still probably going to do over and over.

PS- A very happy birthday to Mr. Jason Brandenburg of Red Square. I have been knocking around the idea of a birthday thing here at THF, but I have to work it out. If there’s some kind of WordPress Plugin, I thought it may be nice to track birthdays so I can give a proper “Happy Birthday” to those who contribute to this site and my ego.