tellhimfred.com

So as you all may have noticed, the THF site has been down all day. Barry is probably going to come up with some BS excuse about how he forgot to pay his electrical bill, or he kicked the plug last night stumbling around looking for his box of condoms. IT IS A LIE!!! I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble, but the truth needs to be told! Here’s how it went down:

Last night Jimmy Hoffa and I were doing the usual, watching the game whilst performing questionable hacks on well known websites from the comfort of the telecommunications center here at THF headquarters. All of a sudden, Jimmy looks at me. His eyes glaze over and from the slightly dull expression on his face, I knew he had an idea. Twenty minutes later after I wiped the drool off his chin, his mind finally caught up and he was able to speak again.

“I’ve got it!!” he exclaimed. “We can hack into the government’s “Weather” satellite. Ouch!!” Why did he say ouch? It’s important to note that Jimmy has trouble talking and making hand expressions at the same time, so his air quotes around the word weather ended up with him poking himself in the eye.

After he was able to see again he explained. “We can use the satellite, which everyone know is actually a sophisticated earthquake causing machine, to send a small earthquake into Josh Beckett’s arm every time he pitches! Don’t you see, we can totally affect the outcome of the game and make the Red Sox win!!”

“Isn’t that from the movie ‘Under Siege 2: Dark Territory’, that crappy Steven Seagal move on the train?”

“Yeah, but that movie is totally fact based!!” he says as he starts typing like mad.

“Perhaps if you are going to try this, you shouldn’t do it through the THF mainframe. I think they can track that stuff.”

To make a long story short, U.S. Marshall’s crashed through the windows of the THF compound 5 minutes later, and hauled Jimmy off. We’re not really sure what’s going to happen to him, but the real bummer is they confiscated all of Barry’s servers so I am typing this post on a Commodore 64 I bought off ebay.

Another winner idea Jimmy. Thanks.