tellhimfred.com

Last night I went out to suburbia to hang out with some friends I have not seen in a while. Their names are Doug and Loretta, and that will come in handy in a second. A few minutes after I arrived, two of Loretta’s friends (women) showed up. I extended my hand to say “Hi. I’m Barry Freed. Nice to meet you.” to which one of the women replied “I know. We’ve met. I’ve slept in your bed.”

gulp.

Now before you jump to conclusions, here’s the story: she actually slept in my bed with Loretta while I slept on the couch and Doug on a chair.

But that’s not the point. The point is: I do this all the time. I am constantly “meeting” people for the first time, though I’ve met them many times before. It happens often. Really.

It only takes me a second to realize that I’ve spent time with these people before, but that doesn’t really make up for the miscue. I think it has something to do with being in the mental state of anticipating meeting someone for the first time. For whatever reason, my brain decides to skip the step of “identify whether you know this person” and instead shifts into “hello, new person.”

So I think I’m going to implement a new greeting policy. Rather than introducing myself and inviting trouble, I’m just going to shake hands and ask how the person is doing. Or, just say “hi.” This way, I can wait and see if an introduction is appropriate.

This leads me to another introduction problem: introducing someone to someone else when I’ve forgotten a name. For instance, let’s say I have a friend named Henry and we’re attending a social event. I see someone I know (as a peripheral acquaintance), and begin a conversation with this person. As Henry is standing next to me and does not know the person with whom I am talking, an introduction is in order. But I can’t say “Henry, this is Ralph” because I don’t know Ralph’s name.

So, in order to solve these two problems, I have two new rules:

Situation: I am at a social function where people I do not recognize are joining the conversation.
Problem: If I say “nice to meet you, I’m Barry Freed”, I could be re-introducing myself, therby making the other person seem less than memorable.
Solution: Say “hi.” and wait for conversational context.

Situation: An introduction is in order, but I’ve forgotten the name of one of the participants in this awkward interaction.
Problem: Um, I don’t know the person’s name.
Solution: Put right hand on known person’s arm, extend left hand to nameless person, and say “This is Henry” (insert known name here). This way, the unnamed person will likely say “Hi, Henry. I’m Ralph.”

Problem solved.