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The holidays bring us many blessings. From fruitcake that looks like dolphin poop, the uncle who starts every sentence with “Pursuant to Megan’s Law, I am required to inform you…”, the sweater your aunt gave you that is made from human hair, to the scum that forms on the sides of your mouth when you wake up at 7 pm on your mom’s couch with a belly full of roast beef and gravied potatoes, the holiday season is rich with reasons to be thankful.

None of those, however, hold a candle to the magic that is CRAWFISH SEASON.

If you’ve never been to a traditional crawfish boil, let me tell you how they work.

First, you need a lot of beer. This is an all-day, into-the-evening event, and should be treated as such.

My favorite brew-crawfish (crawdad, crawdaddy, ‘dad) combo is Snakebites, made with Harpoon Ale and Woodchuck 802 cider. Say hi to Pinchy!

But use whatever you wish. Just make sure you’ve got a couple of cases on hand, scaled up or down for the number of people you have.

2) You need the proper equipment, or be someplace where the cook has it.

A proper crawfish boil occurs (at least the cooking part) outside, with a propane jet-stand burner, and a massive pot. True, it can be done indoors on a stove, but the main thing is a large-capacity pot.

Crawdads come in bags that measure in the tens of pounds, because you need at least 7-8 pounds per person (not a lot of meat in those bad boys.

The ‘dads get boiled, with herbs and spices, potatoes and corn, and preferably some Andouille sausage, until properly done, and the result? A massive feast that the Kings of old would envy.

So in the end, once you’ve learned how to crack and eat ‘em, eaten all the sausage and potatoes and corn you can push down your neck, and swilled all the beer, you should be left with something like this.

and this:

Congratulations! You’ve now seen all the steps necessary to have yourself a crawfish boil! Check out www.lacrawfish.com to learn more on how to get what you need, and how to actually do it yourself! Or, if you know one of the tellhimfred staffers, get in touch with us - you’re welcome to come to ours on January 5!

See you on the bayou!