Welcome to crazy town. Population – your cab driver.

by Jimmy Hoffa on January 11, 2008

So I had to go to the courthouse for work today. I went over, did what I had to do, and was ready to leave. I call for a cab, and it shows up. It’s pouring rain outside, so I’m glad I don’t have to take the T. I jump in, and immediately the driver, a large, southern-sounding black man of about fifty or so, starts talking.

“welcome to my cab!”(imagine a thick southern black accent)

I say, “thanks, it’s nice to be here.”

“you enjoying this fiiine weather we havin?”

“loving it.”

Cue two minutes of small talk about how it was 9 degrees last week, and now it’s 50 and it’s a good thing, because this would all be snow.

We hit Cambridge street, and everything changes.

“I’m lookin forward to a day when there is no poverty in the world.”

Cautiously, I offer “Yyyeah, that’d be a nice day.”

“I seen it! I had a tour, seen it with my own eyes. I remember the date, October the eleventh, 2017. Where Mass General Hospital is a museum, and the Boston Globe cost a dollar thirty five. They was no glass building at Mass General in 1992, but they is now! It’s the Big Dig. I come up for the Big Dig. I leave my house in Salem, NH, and I’m driving, and there’s stuff rolling around, and a book gets stuck under the accelerator, and I take my eyes off the road for a second to move it, and the car’s NOT MOVIN. I say, ˜how you do that, pretty clever”. And then there’s a man, tells me ˜why you drivin’ around that antique?” I say, this ain’t no antique, I bought this car five years ago, wrapped in plastic, had to sign a affidavit, sayin’ what was on the odometer. Bought it for 16,247.82. Paid it off in five months.” But the man say ˜I tell you what, I give you a million dollars for it right now.” I say ˜well then what am I gonna drive!?” He say, ˜hey a million dollars, you drive whatever you want!”. But I said, nah, I’m keepin’ my car.” Then I look and say ˜Hey, how are you talkin’ to me right now? I don’t got no CB radio?” and he say ˜you got a am/fm radio in your briefcase. I’m talkin’ to you on 87.7 on your FM dial.” And I say, “how the hell am I talkin’ to you? I don’t got no microphone?” and he say “I’m usin’ my microphone to transmit you. And I’m right above you.” And I say “what are you drivin?” he’s drivin’ a Cadillac, but it’s FLYING! But you gotta have a license for that. You can drive or you can fly, but you gotta get a license to fly. You get it at White House Jubilee University. They got one of those in Salem NH, on route 101. Anybody can get Jubilee status, you dial zero on your phone, give them your name and address, and tell em who’s in the white house, and you talk to the president, and you get White House permission to get Jubilee status, all your clothes, your food, everyone can get it. But you gotta follow the fifth commandment. Man take a wife, woman take a hubby, they lie down together and bear fruit.”

I sign the voucher and flee the cab.

{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

Steph January 11, 2008 at 2:58 pm

I want that jubilee status!

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opposite_prime January 14, 2008 at 9:50 am

Hilarious!

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Kate April 21, 2008 at 8:11 am

Going to a Sox game in Boston on Sat and we had this crazy cabbie talking about Jubilee status and many other things. I google Jubilee status from my cell phone when we got out and found your post. HILARIOUS!!! It has to be the same guy. Thanks for making my day.

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Jimmy Hoffa April 21, 2008 at 8:50 am

He’s out there…still! Glad the post made it to a fellow Jubilee status rider! :D

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sara June 13, 2008 at 8:45 am

had him yesterday. he blew my mind.

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Gina June 13, 2008 at 9:22 am

I had that driver three times! He rules… but I’m pretty sure he’s bat shit crazy. Im calling the whitehouse to get my jubilee status now.

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Jimmy Hoffa June 19, 2008 at 10:19 am

I’m going to start a website devoted to Jubilee Status. We can all share our experiences with Mr. Batshit-Crazy-Cabbie and speculate about the nature of Jubilee Status.

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Anonymous September 10, 2008 at 5:47 pm

I’m sitting at Logan right now. Just took a cab here and had this same guy. Crazy!

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Mark M December 8, 2008 at 1:39 pm

I’m in the cab with him right now – he’s talking about Jubilee Status. I feel like I’m in bizarro world.

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Jamie December 10, 2008 at 4:10 pm

I had him today! Boston Cab #9, ask for the president. he told me about jubilee status, apparently my entire family will win the lottery and a free tour to the white house. hes so convincing i actually googles “jubilee status” and have proof im not the only one that dealt with him. Also – Alvin & the chipmunks on repeat, and he notified me that they were professors of harvard, and on their way to the ed sullivan show, they lost their suitcase and had to wear the gowns instead.

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MK February 2, 2009 at 5:03 pm

So I just had this guy drive me from Logan to my house in Norwood…I felt a little uncomfortable the whole ride just because you can tell he’s a bit off. It wasn’t until we pulled into my driveway that he told me he was AT the superbowl yesterday. I laughed it off and then he went into a schpeel about how he and his mother have jubilee status and he can time travel and I can get it if I call zero and ask to speak to the white house…Crazy town! If you see Boston Cab #9, PASS!

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MC Spice February 10, 2009 at 9:45 am

L the hell o-l. I went to the JFK Building an dthis fool told me how I would met my ancestors at the white house, and how they would repair my ancestors body so they could greet me at the white house. He said every black man is guaranteed jubilee status. I wouldve believed him, but he’s SHARE-CROPPIN a CAB for Christ sake. LOL. Maybe he thinks everybody’s high. If they were, they’d probably dig that far-out, super sh** he’s talking.

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MV February 24, 2009 at 10:19 am

Bouy!! From the airport, wasn’t I lucky to get into cab #9 at Logan – 2 weeks in a row at 10.30 AM on Monday – and yes that prompted me to google for “Jubilee Status” and now I am in the company of you folks…

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Ronda February 26, 2009 at 6:36 pm

OMG I thought I was the only one who knew about the Jubilee Status cabbie! Had him yesterday. Had him many times before for short rides and he remembered me. Told me he would have told me about the “Jubilee Status” before today but he had to make sure that I was “worthy”. I always new that he was a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic but yesterday he really blew my mind! I tried hard to follow his wandering speech as he blathered on and on about how I could obtain “Jubilee Status” so that my son could go to college for free. It got to the point where I just began to nod and say “yep” and hmmm mmmm, in the correct places. But I have to admit he did sound convincing. Came home and googled Jubilee Status and as I suspected it was just the ramblings of an obviously “touched” individual. Dial zero for the White House…. I should have known.

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J_La March 8, 2009 at 8:09 pm

Hey– he told ME about Jubilee Status on March 5, 2009. You mean I can’t really get Juliblee Status? Sad face here.

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Leah March 19, 2009 at 2:04 pm

My boss and I had this guy too! He was so normal when we first got in, he was so informed about great music, he told us he had his doctorate in music, he wrote his thesis on the blues, and we totally bought it for about 5 minutes… until he started talking about guaranteed jubilee status!

I’m at the office now and we decided to google it, and moments before we found this blog my boss said, “We were driving to crazy town”. Glad to share the experience with all of you!

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mike hannus March 26, 2009 at 4:55 pm

I have a recording of this guy! He drove me from Cambridge to Logan and told me all about my guaranteed jubilee status… I was in awe. So I pulled out my phone and nabbed about a minute and a half of him prattling on. Operator number 9, I need to speak to my husband about obtaining my guaranteed jubilee status… would you like me to stay on the line or would you like to call me back? Operator number 9, I’ll call ya back.

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Jimmy Hoffa March 27, 2009 at 7:20 am

Mike – you’ve got to upload this! If you can, send the clip to our email – tellhimfred@hotmail.com. We’ll post it for all to hear!

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giacommo March 31, 2009 at 8:38 pm

What a psycho, had this fuckin’ loon tonight! “4,000,000 people already have jubilee status, I must know what I am talkin’ about, cause I got the facts”. “Red Sox game with Ted Williams, President walks in with a white suit, some fans got to shake hands that day, they all got jubilee status just from meeting the president in person”. “or, you can just dial 0, ask for white house and say, I wanna talk to the President, its automatic, no more medical bills, house bills, school bills, you got jubilee status!”

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LB April 25, 2009 at 2:19 pm

Had him this morning… and of course Googled his crazy talk. Something about Ted Williams? White suit, red hat? Great music, however I don’t think he took too kindly to my calling his “Jubilee Status” concept Socialism. Felt like I was receiving a sermon…

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Steph May 14, 2009 at 3:01 pm

JUST got out of the cab with this guy!! too funny I can’t believe we’ve all had this same crazy Boston cab driver! Not gonna lie, I was kind of hoping this was true, but once he started talking about how I’d be able to take a ride on the Star Ship to planet Vegas, I knew it coulndt be true!

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Shocked May 20, 2009 at 8:01 am

i had this cabbie on May 15th, 2009 at 8:30am after just catching a red eye from LA and i was exhausted which made the ride even more unreal. Not only did i hear about jubilee status, but that he had a premonition he was picking me up, he saw it in his sleep. i also head about a flying car that was invented in Mobile Alabama. it’s uses magnets to fly and that NASA know’s nothing about it. and oh by the way… GPS was invented in Birmingham Alabama in 1958 in June at 8:45am.

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Mike May 25, 2009 at 10:34 pm

OMG I just had this guy today, going from Sports Club LA to BU, same shit about jubilee status and I wasn’t sure what to believe until he told me I would also get a tour of the USS Enterprise starship… then I proceeded to run out of the cab!

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Sophie May 26, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Yup, me too on May 13th. Wharf to Logan. I was amazed at how he could spit out those numbers without taking a breath. Dates, numbers and of course the actual time of death of every past American president. Of course he also mentioned that he and his mom had enjoyed a tour of Buckingham Palace with the Queen. The two ladies were “…just like two peas in a pod.” Boston has it all, but this guy made my day with this deal and what with the Volvo Regatta in town and dinner at the Barking Crab, was this not a trip made in heaven? An appearance on Conan would be in order. Think the guy is whacked, but some variety of savant.
This is good humor and only in America!

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taxi passenger June 11, 2009 at 2:06 pm

He told me this morning that Jubilee Status was to be found in the constitution “Article one, C as in Cat, three C as in Cat”. (There is no such section).

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Nate June 12, 2009 at 2:30 pm

I’ve had this guy. It was a long enough cab ride so that he got into talking about the spaceships that are also available, and his experiences on them. Great times.

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chicagoans July 12, 2009 at 9:04 am

OMG! K we totally were dying. He told us michael jackson was moving in his coffin and he wasn’t really dead, of course after the jubilee status conversation. Then he whipped out his badge and told us he was the president and signed all the bills! Crazytown is an understatement for sure! John Mosely I, is a legend!

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Ron July 28, 2009 at 5:26 pm

I just had a ride in cab# 9 and found my driver to be entertaining and informative, however I suspect that he may be a resident of a neighboring dimension where things are slightly different from here but not enough that he would notice. Hmmmmmmm!?!

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DTrain October 9, 2009 at 2:46 am

I saw him Wednesday – he threw the first pitch out at the 2001 world series

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ahutch55 October 9, 2009 at 12:51 pm

My co-worker and I unsuspectingly got in the Guaranteed Jubilee Status cab yesterday morning. It started off innocently enough, but then the preaching began. From Longwood Medical area to South Boston, this guy was able to cover a lot of territory in crazy land. I admit, I was seriously questioning the possibility of any of this being true because he gave the facts with such conviction, how could time travel and the Jubilee Status NOT exist?
Here are the points I remember:
•The Government’s Starship = 26 sq miles and has 1 mile long engines, E=MC^2 where M=gravity thus making the starship feel like it’s moving 35 mph
•Directions in space are given by the constellation, which is the first planet next to the sun (Vegas and Mercury are examples of such constellations)
•Caves in the Ice Age = 68.5 degrees
•People with green or blue eyes can see in the dark, brown eyes can’t. (That’s why green or blue eyed people go into the submarines first and why brown eyed people get out first.)
•Eye color evolved through magnetism
•Everyone has the right to the Guaranteed Jubilee Status (where you don’t pay for anything, the government does—I said that sounds like welfare or even communism…he said “nobody can be denied, it’s guaranteed under the United States of America, the New United States of America, the Confederation of the Constellation Mercury” or something like that)
•Princeton, MA residents are guaranteed free snow removal under the Jubilee Status 1c as in cat-3c as in cat in the Constitution
•Call the white house, dial “0″, tell the operator who the president is, and you’ll get through. He’ll send a car for you to tour the white house because you can not be denied with the Guaranteed Jubilee Status
In no way was this guy threatening towards us–maybe he saw too much action in the Navy and is now off his rocker.
Good luck to whoever gets him next…

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Kate November 6, 2009 at 11:05 am

I’ve had this dude twice. Both times were in the summer months.
I get in the cab and he immediately quizzes me, asking who is the president of the United States. When I say that it’s Obama, he laughs deeply, and says, “Barack Hussien Abraham Moses Obama is the President of the Galactic Federation of United Planets of the Milky Way” or something absurd like that.
Then he goes through his jubilee status speech and FORCES me to write it down. I insisted that I would remember it, but he pulls down a Dunkin Donuts napkin and handed me a pen so I can get all the details down.
The second time was almost exactly the same, pretty much. He talked more about the president than Jubilee Status, though.
I was astounded to find this website and see that SO many other people have had him, too! For a while I had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn’t really a cab driver at all. Like, maybe he had taken someone else’s medallion and just liked to drive people around the city.

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Eliza January 8, 2010 at 10:19 pm

UMM…Who is this man and what is his mission?? He drove me around a few weeks ago and ironically, his crazy talk actually made me smile and relax a bit! However, I nearly sprinted from the cab when the time came to pay…I had about enough of his Alabama preachin’ and YES, he had me take notes in my phone about this flippin’ Jubilee status! He’s a decent driver though, so he’s got that going for him…

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CP January 9, 2010 at 7:22 am

Same run to Logan with the Jubilee cabbie. Gotta stop this and call the Prez to get mine!

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CP January 9, 2010 at 8:09 am

On my first ride to Logan with the Jubilee cabbie. Gotta stop this and call the Prez to get mine! The cabbie is going to pick us up when we return and take us all to the White House. Too cool!

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Matt June 3, 2010 at 10:14 pm

I had this cabby today! He pulled the “Welcome to my cab” thing and then was telling me about Jubilee status and saying that the universities have to pay people money because they are lying to us about who the president is and that he is the real president. He said we were being watched by cameras at all times and that that was the only way he was allowed to leave the White House. After that he told me how he owns the patent on GPS technology and iPhone technology and makes millions of dollars off it every January 1st at 9:32am. There was a whole bunch more.

Cab #9!

I am so glad I have found this site and I hope to hear more.

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Tina June 25, 2010 at 9:52 am

Oh goodness I had this guy today! I am visiting from DC and he proceeded to tell me that he has a house there that he’s been living in since 1776 and he was the first President of the USA. When I complimented him on not looking as old as he is (playing along, of course) he proceeded to go into the Jubilee status, the first pitch at the World Series (although I believe it was last year’s) and also rattled off a ton of weapons that were used in some battle back in 1962. Thank goodness we reached the final destination because I was starting to fear for my life in the hands of this man….

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Anonymous July 2, 2010 at 9:30 pm

I had this guy back from the JFK library the day after the game 7 of the NBA finals. He claimed when it ended he took the 3 hour flight from L.A to Boston. It’s a six hour flight. He also said something about obama not having tickets for the super bowl and he did and how he’s friends with the commissioner of basketball. No mention about time travel though. Told my mom in the front seat that mary smith was sitting right where she was and that john was where my dad was. I got the shirt too.

Dial “0″ for the president!

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Rachel July 8, 2010 at 1:21 pm

OH MY GOSH. I just came across this posting because I was in a cab with him about an hour ago. I just went to go look up 1c-3c which is what he said the article in the Constitution is that gives you Jubilee Status. My coworker and I were curious and wanted to know if there is even such a thing as that and when we looked we came up with this. TOO FUNNY! I wonder who this guy is??? He’s cab number nine from Boston Cab Dispatch, Inc. Someone should find out more about him. I might add a blog post about him at http://www.bitchesinstitches.blogspot.com and I’ll link it to you guys!

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Armando August 20, 2010 at 1:04 am

I had this guy on Tuesday of this week. He blew me away with all the stats. I guess in a way we all want to believe what he is saying since we all got here… Some of what he said… He owns the Company that bought Budweiser… He threw in the first pitch for the world series… I could live forever (but I already knew that!) and last but not least HE IS GOD! I got his name just in case…

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Anon. February 9, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I had this driver this week. Still going strong.

I want my Jubilee Status…

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