to all Customer Service and Account Reps out there; stop trying to sell shit to me when all I called for was to pay a bill, get my oil changed, resolve a problem, or post a job for my company!! Christ on a cracker, I can’t tell you how frustrating this garbage is. First scenario, XM Radio:
I call them to pay my monthly bill, b/c I forgot my online login info. Hey, it happens. So I call and get this guy with a deep Southern drawl.
Me: Hi. I need to pay my $12 bill for this month.
Rep: Sure, I keen hep you with tat. *[proceeds to verify I am who I am, but only after I FedEx a stool sample and a lock of my daughter's hair]*
Me: Take my automatic bill pay off my credit card please. I’ll pay monthly online.
Rep: ok, I keen hep you with tat. Did yew knaw thet you kewd pay all dat for one year raht naw for $155 all at wunce?
Me: I do, but 12 months for $12 per month is $144. Why pay another $11?
Rep: That sir, is a con-veen-neence charge.
Me: Just let me pay the bill.
Rep: Sure, I keen hep you with tat. Did yew knaw thet you kewd have tha-ree (3) more XM raydios for the price of wun (1)?
Me: I did. You send me those damn emails twice a week. I have XM, in my car, that’s why I’m calling. Remember that bill I have to pay?
Rep: Yessir, eye doo. Now yew wantto set up this here debit carhd to auto-mat-ic-cally pay yer bill every month?
Me: You better not, I just told you to just let me pay my bill and we’ll be done, thanks.
Rep: Ok, I’ll tells you whut. I’ll give y’all a free munth o’ service if ya set up the auto-mat-ic-call bill pay or pay it tall for one full year. It’ll be $145.
Me: NO! I’ll pay the bill now, and pay online. Besides, I pay $144 per year at $12 per month anyway.
Rep: Okee. Ima gonna put you on the hold fer a minute, I’ll be raht back.
At this point, I’m on hold for ten effing minutes, no joke. I hang up, call back and get a different rep. She verifies who I am (she utilized the stool sample and lock of daughter’s hair I sent to the previous rep, so it was much faster). In less than 5 minutes, I had the bill paid. Didn’t try to sell anything, and was actually very nice.
It took me almost 30 minutes to accomplish this. I know you Service reps out there have to meet quotas and read yer scripts to the customer, but cut the shit already!! I don’t want it!! If I did, I’d call and say “I don’t give you enough money, and I’d like some free shit to make me feel better after you gouge my bank account. What’dya got?” Then we can talk.
I’ll write about the other adventures from today (including Monster and Honda Cars of Boston) later.