We TellHimFredders spend a great deal of time in bars and restaurants (much less on my part however now that I don’t work in the industry, oh, and I have a 1yr. old). We know how to behave conduct ourselves. We also know when a server is a total shit-wit.
Here’s a few of the things we came up with.
Patrons
-Don’t ask the host/hostess when your table will be ready. You just get to wait longer. Enjoy your beverage at the bar/in the lounge, and chat with who you’re there to eat with. It is ok to check if it’s been say, 45 min. waiting instead of 15 for instance.
-Have your drink order ready when the server greets you. don’t leave the menu sitting until they arrive. This of course doesn’t apply if you’re ordering a bottle of wine. You may need some input from your server on that one. If you’ve been waiting for your table, you already know what you want.
-Don’t request that your bar tab be transferred to your dinner tab. The bartender deserves their tip, and the server theirs.
-Super-Special-Specific modifications to your meal really piss off the kitchen. I’m not talking asking to leave garden and pickle off your burger (though they rarely remember that one, ask Barry). I’m talking subbing chicken for steak in a salad with a different dressing and leaving off half the ingredients, but adding avocado. Stay home and make it yourself.
-Be polite when returning an entree or whatnot. Bitching out the server only makes you wait longer, or worse. Trust me. Besides, your server isn’t the one in the kitchen, so it’s not usually their fault.
-NEVER snap your fingers at a server. Enough said?
-Tip. For christsake, tip a minimum 20%. Did you know that in MASS, servers get $2.63 an hour? Unless your server sucked a huge bag of muddy dicks at doing their job, then they deserve the 20%. We’ve all had to drop the tip down a bit, or leave it out altogether, but those are very rare circumstances.
**to you pretentious a-holes who don’t think you’re supposed to include tax or the bottle of wine in your tip calculation, fuck you. that server will remember you, and i guarantee they’ll sell you out to the rest of the staff.**
-When you’re done, leave. Don’t sit at the table with your sip of coffee left. It’s called ‘camping’ and it can completely kill a server’s take for the night. Yes, you rented the table for the apps, meal, and dessert; however, you don’t have the right to a) occupy the table when the server could be starting another check on the table and b) effing over other patrons from sitting and enjoying the same experience you just had. Go to the bar, continue your night, elsewhere.
Server
-Greet the table with a smile (or friggin’ fake one at least).
-Let your table know what the specials / features are after you take the drink order. Don’t make me ask you 10 minutes later. AND I don’t care where you work, don’t sit / crouch down at the table with me to tell me about the specials.
-Yes, the guest is attractive, though (90% of the time) not there to potentially exchange phone #s or the like with you. Pay attention to everyone at the table.
-If you make a mistake, don’t gush out an apology, just say sorry politely, then fix it immediately.
-If someone asks you for a recommendation and you don’t have one, don’t say “I don’t really eat here” or “I don’t know” - offer to go and get an opinion.
-Clear dishes when most, or all of the people are done with their food. Don’t take a chance on a partially empty dish. Nobody likes having to say “No, I’m not done with that.” It’s called ‘manicuring.’ Learn it.
-Learn how to serve food properly. Google “American Table Service.” Serve from the right facing the customer, clear from the left. Remember who ordered what, don’t ‘auction’ off the food. “who ordered the burger well-done with no garden and no pickles, extra ketchup?”
-If a guest starts giving you a ration of shit, politely exit and state that the manager can better help them. Just go get the manager. Managers are assholes too, they speak the language (I was one, and I am an asshole….see?)
-Leave the check in the middle of the table and let them fight over it. Don’t try to predict who’s going to pay.
-Don’t ‘over-carry’. Nothing looks more unprofessional than a server with plates up their arm (more than 3 a no-no), or fingers in my drink. The top 2/3 of the glass is mine, the bottom 1/3 yours. You should be able to carry 5 beverages in two hands, no spillage. Email me if you don’t understand.
-Just write the order down. Fine, you have a good memory, just get a pen and paper.
-Don’t always blame the kitchen when something isn’t right. I understand covering your ass, but come on.
-Don’t always avoid eye contact. Damn that’s annoying. I know you’re busy, but just pretending I’m not there does not help.
-If I pay in cash, don’t ask if I need change. It is presumptuous. If I don’t need change I will tell you when you pick up the check.
-You should never be standing still when on your shift. Circulate through the dining room and help out your staff.
-Admit, and ask for help, when you’re in the ‘weeds’ (too much shit to do, not enough time). It’ll improve your night (and probably all your tips) tremendously.
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This is just the tip of the iceberg, we know. Please contribute your thoughts here on our forum:
http://tellhimfred.com/forums/index.php?topic=54.0
Thank you, and don’t spill a drink on me, or treat your server like shit.
30 responses so far ↓
1 fish // Mar 12, 2008 at 4:09 pm
How about not dropping off the check before asking if anyone would like dessert. Or asking if someone would like dessert without considering if the others at the table are finished eating- or only asking one person. Although you were dead on with most i have to say its more presumptuous to assume that someone doesn’t need change rather than asking them.
2 opposite_prime // Mar 12, 2008 at 4:14 pm
thanks for commenting, fish. Completely right about dropping the check b4 the dessert offer.
I think we’re crossed on the change thing. I meant it’s presumptuous of the server to think that what is left over after the check is paid is theirs as a tip.
It’s considered rude and unprofessional as a server/bartender to ask if they need change. They should always bring change unless otherwise told that it’s “all set.”
3 fish // Mar 12, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Ah. I misunderstood what you were saying. you’re absolutely correct.
4 Magglio // Mar 12, 2008 at 7:43 pm
don’t come up to my table bare handing a dish and say ‘this plate is extremely hot’ when you’re bare handing it yourself. I’m a grown ass man. I can judge if a plate is hot or not.
Great post today guys.
5 gina // Mar 12, 2008 at 8:53 pm
It’s really funny reading those tips. I was a server for many years in the States and now I live in Brazil. Those tips you gave brought back a lot of memories of working in a classy restaurant in the States but those tips are also very American. Restaurant life is *totally* different in Brazil–that whole “leave when you’re finished” ideology simply does not exist here. Servers don’t have any real personalities here (like we’re kind of told to have in restaurants, “be personable, be friendly with your table,”) and also, most of them are men. I don’t think I’ve ever seen female servers in Brazil unless at a Friday’s or an Outback.
A good read, and a fun one. Thanks!
6 Roo // Mar 15, 2008 at 9:14 am
What an interesting and entertaining post! So so true. With all your experience in the restaurant world you seem to have covered everything here. The only thing I can think of is when a server becomes a little too familiar with me. They’ll presume our table banter is now a friendship and they’ll come over and chit-chat way too much, even interrupting the conversation we’re already having at the table. Like, ok, I see it’s a slow night, and you’re a nice person, but go hang out w/your fellow employees, ok?
I realize that part of this is my own damn fault. I’m often too friendly myself and seem to willing to play therapist to, well, everyone.
Great post, dude!
7 GatorBaby // Apr 15, 2008 at 10:22 am
Just one small correction: American Table Service follows this method: Serve from the left, clear from the right.
Otherwise - outstanding directions!
8 opposite_prime // Apr 15, 2008 at 10:29 am
Thanks for commenting, GatorBaby. I believe I messed that one up, you’re right. American/English/Silver Service is, as you said, serve from left, clear from right.
Which one is serve from right, clear from left? French Service, maybe?
9 Billy Jack // Jun 15, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I live in Tennessee and the South is generally considered to be one of the worst geographic regions for receiving the proper amount of gratuity for servers. I have had the misfortune of waiting on quests 2 or 3 times who I know do not tip at least 15%, nevermind the 18% universal standard for quality service. If feel like saying up front, “I am here to provide you with excellent service. If you have already determind a tip percentage of less than 18%, please let me know now. That way I can decide whether or not to provide you the service.”
10 Billy Jack // Jun 15, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I live in Tennessee and the South is generally considered to be one of the worst geographic regions for receiving the proper amount of gratuity for servers. I have had the misfortune of waiting on quests 2 or 3 times who I know do not tip at least 15%, nevermind the 18% universal standard for quality service. If feel like saying up front, “I am here to provide you with excellent service. If you have already determined a tip percentage of less than 18%, please let me know now. That way I can decide whether or not to provide you the service.”
11 jerk // Aug 5, 2008 at 4:53 pm
waiters are stupid as hell
12 The Dentist // Aug 5, 2008 at 6:40 pm
You are demanding at least 20% and tipping on tax? Why? Why not give the waiter a huge sack of money for bringing a sandwich across the room, because he needs to pay rent? It’s like giving a buck per drink at the bar. Standard, but you think about it that guy just spent five seconds handing you something and you are paying him a dollar.
13 Frequent Diner // Aug 5, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Come on! 20% on a $100 bottle of wine and also on the tax? Give me a break! A tip is a TIP, not a wage. Basically tips are just scams by restaurant owners who are too cheap to pay a correct wage. Still I usually tip 20% for good service, but I will not tip well for lousy service. A tip is a show of appreciation and is totally discretionary. The more I think about it, the more I think I’ll go back to 15% unless I see outstanding service.
14 Server 1 // Aug 5, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Magglio: A server should always use a serviette (or linen napkin, or whatever you want to call it) on a hot plate, but don’t forget that I handle hot plates all the time. What might not seem hot to me still deserves a warning before you touch it. Plus it’s a legality issue. Once I’ve warned you, you can put your tongue on the burning hot plate if you want to, as I’m not liable any more.
Dentist: Why should we pay you so much money for just scraping our teeth. Oh? Is that not all you do? Maybe a waiter does more than bring a sandwich across the room.
I agree with Roo that an over-friendly waiter (both as a co-worker and as a customer) can drive a person batty….
15 Natty // Aug 6, 2008 at 12:20 am
It should be a law that everyone should work in hospitality for at least a few months… all the assholes (see above) that think that tipping is a charity “because we need to pay our rent” would be weeded out. Sure, sometimes waiters fuck up… i’ve done it… i think all waiters have. To err is human. Do you have to leave 20% when your server pockets your order and you wait an extra 20 minutes for your food? No, not at all… but if you get good service then 18% is a good tip… if you get great service then leave a great tip! I had a couple come in, have a nice meal, I gave great service, and they left me a whopping tip of 40 cents… their tab was a good 40$ or so… I lost money on that table. I am going to assume that people like that don’t know what Tip-out is…. well let me explain, it’s easy enough for a child. A tip does not only pay a waiters rent but also the kitchen staff who cooked your damn food, and the bartender who made your fucking drinks… at the end of the night a percentage is taken out of total sales AFTER tax (at least in all restaurants that i’ve worked in) and is given to the busboys, kitchen and bar. This percentage is usually 2-5%. Not only did I lose money on tipout I lost money because they sat at my table for an hour… please, please remember to pay the rent for the table! If you aren’t going to tip, someone else will and I want them at my table, not your cheap-ass.
ok i’m going to stop the rant now but please remember, if you cant afford to tip, you cant afford to eat out. If you don’t like the idea of a 15-20% tip then move to Europe where you don’t have to worry about it because you can leave a 10% tip for really good service (iva is included in all the countries i’ve been to in Europe)
now i need a beer
16 Jimmy Hoffa // Aug 8, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Restaurants are a big fucking scam all around. But I still love someone else cooking for me. Especially when they do it well. I’m willing to accept the rookery in exchange.
17 manager13 // Aug 20, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Great post! I am a restaurant manager and absolutely loved reading this. I would like to add, though, a request to magnanimous guests (you know, the ones that slip you a credit card before they sit, and order you “not to let anyone else to pay the tab”).
If you give a credit card beforehand, I am happy to run it for you. But it is unbelievably awkward and boorish to then involve me and my staff in a wrestling match over the check. “You’re really going to let my 90 year old mother pay the bill?!” Yes. I will. If she gave us the card in advance, it has been run, the slip has been signed, then the check has been settled.
This happens so frequently, and people get so irate about who is going to pick up the tab… I honestly would prefer not to accept any cards from patrons in advance, just to avoid this constant battle. It galls me that complete strangers are willing to lay into my staff and myself about this issue with absolutely no regard to how bizarre their request is. Who am I to say who “should” get the bill? I don’t know you….?
18 banquet manager // Aug 20, 2008 at 5:58 pm
I’m in the business and of course love to get tipped. Here’s a story of when I go stiffed again…
http://soyouwanttobeabanquetmanager.blogspot.com/2008/08/stiffed-again.html
19 Dave // Nov 23, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Alright, can you explain to me how to hold 5 glasses in two hands?
I can get 3 in my left hand by using my thumb and index finger to hold one, cradling another between my middle and pinky with my ring finger underneath the glass then resting another on my palm with it slightly leaning on the other two in my hand…
In my other hand I can carry one normally because if I carry two, I have to set the drinks in my right hand on the table then deliver them, which I think is unprofessional, with only one drink in your right hand, you can deliver the drink in front of the person, then use your free hand to deliver the rest…
Other than that, I loved your post, I will warn you when a plate is hot because I’ve become tolerant of hot plates… If your server says a plate is hot, don’t reach out and grab it, I usually say “Whoa, if you burn yourself, you don’t get worker’s comp, if I do, I will”
20 Jill // Dec 2, 2008 at 2:44 am
Never NEVER curse at your server or anyone else working. Totally rude. And keep your voice down. There are other people trying to have a nice time out not listen to your awful story.
21 Jimmy Hoffa // Dec 2, 2008 at 1:55 pm
If you don’t have enough money to tip, you don’t have enough money to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
22 Aurora // Dec 24, 2008 at 2:41 am
I have severed from NY to CA, from Diners to Tux & Tie, white glove and servette service. I have seen both ends of the horses ass in my years and this was my lastest run in with a fine dinuing place,
The Slocum House at one time was a fine place to dine, but as times change, so did the Slocum House. I had called and spoke with Matt and requester a reservation at 7:30. I ask not to be placed on a traffic Isle, a table or booth out of the way would be ok, and that privacy was desired with a server that knew their job. I did let matt know of my background in the food industry and asked him to make sure that if he wasn’t going to be there that someone knew what I desired.. He recommended a server called Heather. Upon our arrival the hostess confirmed the reservation and asked if a booth would be ok. He asked to check the ladies coat and we said yes, he them proceeded to remove her coat and then handed her the coat check tag…this is so wrong in fine dining. The hostess never touches the guest if there is a man in presence and should always ask if help is needed all other times… He sat us down on the main isle with the traffic going by us miles a minute, trays were going by us, and servers were passing within inches of us. Dirty dishes, etc…We moved into the back of the booth for safety. The rest of the evening was a show like no other. The servers were like HAWKS. You felt like you were in a fish bowl and eyes were upon you all the time. They were intrusive to the point I had to tell them to go away. Had to tell them stop clearing the table that I’m not done yet. They made so many minor mistakes that you wonder for the fine dining place this once was where they received their training…Denny’s?
The General Mgr stopped by for a quick check on things and didn’t even find the time to announce himself. We did have a talk about how the Sword fish was prepared as I asked about the heavy spices. He said that the Sword fish is Blacken and it is assumed that all people know that blackened is done with Cajun spices. I so wanted to tell him that Blackened fish was invented by Paul Prudhomme and in his book he describes how to blacken. The blackening comes from the butter charring in the pan, not from the spices. When the butter chars the instant it lands in the pan, it creates a sealing crust on the fish that keeps it from drying out. I must say though that the food was great. Very tasteful and arrived hot when it should of. My compliments to the chef. Upon the end of the meal our server Heather ask how things were. At this time I must say that Heather was indeed a professional server with all the charm and poise that earned her a healthy tip from us. She is very good in her service. I went on to tell her of our ordeal and right in the middle of this the general Mgr came into the conversation and wanted to know what I had to say. Well I let him know of my disappointment in the service for other then Heather and he didn’t much like what I had to say and gave me a response of his 20 years of food service and his training of the staff here and this is how things are done and how the Slocum House just received its review from the Sacramento Bee and it was outstanding, etc..I have to ask myself if the review the Slocum House receives is so good then what are all the other places in town like that they are comparing to.
Needless to say that with the lack of attention that is given to so many little details it is most likely I will not be back. The food was some of the best I have had in my days, Heather was a top notch server but that’s about it for the Slocum House.
23 whisky // May 3, 2009 at 12:58 am
Just because a person comes in to dine alone, please don’t indicate that they would be happier at the bar or at a tall bar table. I, for one, don’t drink, so no, I would not be happier there. There are almost always two-seaters available; seat me there. I order full meals and tip well. It is worth your while to treat me, the single diner, with the same respect you would treat couples and groups.
24 bartender // May 4, 2009 at 4:34 am
It bothers me so much when people sit at the bar waiting for a table and then want to have it transferred. Instead of getting the 3 or 4 dollar tip from you I get a .50 cent tip from the server. If you have a few of those a night it adds up. Another thing, if something is wrong with your food, speak up. dont sit there and eat the whole meal and then complain at the end and leave no tip at all. I can’t taste your food. Speak up. I will get it fixed for you. And never ever stand in the well area where servers pick there drinks up. Most bartenders will tell you to get out of the way and will ignore you the whole time.
25 Kita // May 4, 2009 at 3:31 pm
I work in a casino and have also worked in various restaurants and I have to say to those of you complaining about a ten percent tip count yourself as lucky. Most dealers are lucky if they make 2-5% on payouts and usually they are less than that if at all. Dealers do just as much work as servers (having done both) and the etiquette is the same either way.
As a patron I typically tip more because I know that servers are only being paid min. wage. However I have to say if I don’t like the service I don’t tip as high as usual and servers don’t always see service the same way the patron does. I don’t care if you have ten other tables if I’m trying to get your attention you should notice. I shouldn’t need to attempt to get your attention for ten minutes.
26 Outback server // May 4, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Most servers only make around $2.65 an hour, and after taxes its barely anything. Our tips is where we make our money. I really hate when a bill is around 50 or 60 bucks and I really tried to provide excellent service, and I get like 5 bucks. I try to provide excellent service for all my tables and when they are there for over an hour and give me like 5 - 10 percent I feel like I was cheated a little. Servers do more than just bring your food from the kitchen to your table. They are responsible for every aspect of your experience at that restaurant besides the actually cooking. They are the middle man between you having an awesome dinner and great time or a horrible experience.
27 Paolo // May 6, 2009 at 7:35 am
Actually, food is served from the left side with the left hand, and cleared from the right with the right hand.
Drinks are served on the right side.
28 Jimbo // May 6, 2009 at 9:08 am
@ kim - I’m guessing you get at least minimum wage in a casino, and aren’t rewuired to tip out 7% to the house. Also - does that mean a dealer at a table with a 20 000 payout should be getting $2000 - 3000? That’s retarded.
Otherwise, I don’t really care if someone camps out in my section. It’s mildly annoying, but if you’ve just plopped down a couple hundred bucks, I’m there to make their night great, not pout about how much more money I could be making.
@ dentist - you’re a prick. It’s okay - if I had to fiddle with people’s mouths all day I would be too.
29 HM // May 17, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Man, all I want to say is that this was funny and I enjoyed reading it
Thanks! (It was also informative and helpful)
30 Vivian // Jun 15, 2009 at 9:25 am
Napkin Etiquette
When the napkin is folded by the plate (even if the patron is not in the area) it means he will return-do not remove plate setting.
When the napkin is crumbled on the plate the patron is finished and you can remove the plates.
Is this written anywhere?
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