tellhimfred.com

Last night the lady friend and I made the pilgrimmage to the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom to see George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic. It was a life changing experience. See, I asked for them to make my funk the P Funk, and that’s exactly what they did.

So, because of that, I’d like to announce my candidacy for Secretary of Funk should Barack Obama win the presidency. I think I have a fairly solid resume, as my last position was head of FEFA or the Federal Emergency Funk Administration. In that position, I was granted the authority to deliver the funk to those who needed it most.

Once sworn in, I’d like to propose the following changes to US customs and laws:

• The new national anthem will be “One Nation Under A Groove.”
• When at trial, all witnesses will be required to place one hand on a bible and confirm that they will tell the whole funk, nothing but the funk, so help them God.
• Once a day, at midday, all work will cease for 15 minutes while all citizens will be treated to a live broadcast of Vice President Star Child, where he will play hits like Cosmic Slop in his world famous diaper.

So, Mr. Obama, if you’re listening, I want to announce my availability for the position.