tellhimfred.com

Dear lady in the SUV on Rt 1,

First of all let me apologize, I had no business being there on the road with you, me with 2 wheels and you with 4. Obviously with your greater number of surface contact points you deserve a much higher level of consideration. Apparently I didn’t even garner a check of your blind spot before violently changing lanes to get around other slow moving traffic.

Also, let me say I am sorry for nearly slamming my motorcycle into the side of your vehicle. In an effort to prevent any damage to your rusty shit box, I decided to perform what we call in biking terms a “Power Slide,” where-in I lay my motorcycle down on it’s side and slide to a stop preventing dents in your car (and less importantly blunt force trauma to myself). Fortunately for me, the soft cushy pavement provided ample room for my motorcycle and my person to come to a gentle halt.

Next let me say thank you. Thank you, obviously extremely busy and important lady. Thank you for taking 30 seconds to stop and look over at me, you know, to make sure I was alive before speeding off to get to your bikini waxing appointment or to have your partial lobotomy fully realized. There were plenty of other people on the road to make sure I was able to get my bike up and off the road.

And finally, let me thank you from the bottom of my heart for the new body decoration you provided me. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at my arm and leg and thought, “You know what would look really great here? Road rash!” To show my gratitude, I have provided below photographic depictions of the new “Body Bling” you gave me. Suitable for framing, I’m sure these pictures will provide a lifetime of conversation amongst your friends of that time you had YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR FUCKING ASS THAT YOU CUT ME OFF AND NEARLY KILLED ME YOU MINDLESS PILE OF DISEASED AFTERBIRTH!!!!

Sincerely,

Cutty

PS, I hope you drown.

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