tellhimfred.com

I was born in Boston, Massachusetts. I have traveled, I have lived elsewhere, and I returned to the city of my birth to live, because it is a facking cool town. I like it here.

Growing up in the area, however, many times we were let down by the Boston Red Sox. Much has been written about people who spent the 1970s and 80s in Boston knowing only frustration and pain at so many losing seasons. 1985 and 1986 of course, are our darkest years, when the Patriots and the Red Sox made their respective bids for championships, only to make history with their defeats.

These days, the embarassment of riches that are Boston teams have cleaned those dark corners of our sports souls. These days, if the Sox lose, instead of saying “Well, whatevah, nothin’s as bad as eighty-six. Fuckin’ Bucknah…” we say “Well, whatevah, I’ve got 2001, what else do I need.”

These days, too, the rest of the country hates us. They cheered when Brady’s ankle got racked up, ending his season. People cheered a crippling injury.

Wait a moment while that sinks in.

Good. Now that we’re on the same page, namely, page 42, which says “…and lo, did I look and see that most of the United States was peopled by assholes, and I saw that it was bad,” let’s re-focus.

Today, most of the country is grumbling a little louder than usual into their lattes and soy cappucinos about last night’s Sox win. Why? Because last night, the Sox clinched a playoff berth.

True, we still probably have to face the Angels, which will be rough - but everyone knows the Sox are dangerous in the playoffs. Plus someone’s gotta keep an eye on the fact that the Angels and the Dodgers are both going to make the playoffs this year, and an all-L.A. World Series is the last thing anyone (except maybe L.A.) wants.

Would we love to see a Red Sox - Dodgers World Series? Absolutely. Would the main reason be so that we could face-fuck Manny with a rabid, hungry wolverine? Almost certainly. These questions will have to wait, however, until the playoff picture resolves more clearly.

To the rest of the country, who no doubt waits with bated breath for the Sox to get beaten by someone…anyone…I say:

Screw you guys, you’re just jealous.

Until next time, Fredders…peace, love and hit for the cycle.