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So, as you’ve already heard from Hoffa, I just got back from celebrating my 30th birthday in Vegas. The lady friend completely blew my mind, as everything was a complete surprise. But instead of just talking about how awesome the vacation was, let me go into specifics:

Day One: March 11th- We checked in early and when we got to the room, we had a message from room service. They had a gift for us. I thought it was going to be champagne or something, but it was much better. Cutty had called ahead and sent something up. A gentleman showed up, handed me a card and asked "Are you ready to party, sir?" To which I replied "As a matter of fact, I am." Here’s the spread:

At night we went my personal Mecca, Casa Fuente. Casa Fuente is the only US Cigar Shop dedicated purely to Fuente Fuente Cigars. They sell the Casa Fuente here and only here, and I had to get it, and it was amazing. At night, we went to see Penn and Teller. We sat in the 5th row, and it was awesome.  My favorite trick:

Day Two: March 12th- We got up early and went to the Boneyard, otherwise known as the sign museum. All the busted signs from old Vegas were there. A few choice selections:

We then went to Old Vegas and checked out the cheesiest of all. It’s like a wax museum of what used to pass for casinos and strip joints.

Day Three: March 13th- This was super surprise day. Randi (the lady friend) was just wasting time until the surprise came, so we went to the shops at Caesar’s to get some lunch. On our way to grab some food, I ran into one of my oldest friends, Charlie Hustle himself, the man, the myth, the legend, Pete F-ing Rose:

We talked some baseball, and he was full-on pissed off about the Mets and their managerial decisions over the last few years. Dude dropped about 15 F bombs in the space of 5 minutes. Talking baseball with Pete Rose was pretty close to the coolest thing I could think of……or so I thought.

I was beaming like a school girl that just saw Johnny Bravo, and Randi was in full deception mode. While I was walking around with my Pete Rose signed baseball, she asked me to stop in Kahunaville, the restaurant inside our hotel. About a minute later I saw……….

Jimmy Fing Hoffa.

Seriously.

Randi had been planning for months and got Hoffa and his bride-to-be to come out to meet us in Vegas. Well played. Well Played. I honestly was more surprised to see Hoffa and Mrs. Hoffa than I was to see the all-time hits leader. I couldn’t belive it.

After a few drinks and lunch, the four of us hit the strip and played the ultimate Vegas game: collecting the collectible hooker trading cards. We probably had 500 each, and quit playing when we had no room in our pockets to take any more. While walking, we had a couple hundred drinks, then hit the rollercoaster at New York New York.

Hoffa and the wife hit the hay early, and Randi’s two friends from Arizona showed up to join the revelry. We returned to Old Vegas, and I learned that her friend’s boyfriend was a dick with ears. We walked for nearly half an hour just so they could find the best deal on a hot dog. I’m not joking. We’ll come back to this.

Day Four: March 14th- This was another big surprise, as we went to Mesa, Bobby Flay’s incredible restaurant. I was blown away, but Dick With Ears kept complaining the entire time. I mean, it’s an expensive place, and he was holding a mini-protest by having a Miller Lite while we were having wine. He couldn’t stop complaining about the prices, although he wasn’t going to spend a dime.

After dinner we went to another casino, and shithead disappeared. We wanted to leave and we couldn’t find him anywhere. We called him multiple times, and he never answered. After scouring the place and trying to contact him for nearly an hour, his girlfriend (Randi’s friend) was crying, and we promised to stay with her until he showed up.

When he finally showed, I lost it. She asked where he’d been, to which he replied "I don’t give a fuck about these people, I was having fun." I called him out and confronted him a bit, which led to a very awkward situation, and we called it a night.

Day Five, March 15th- Somehow the Hoffa family misread their flight info and completely missed their flight. They had to sit around at the airport for about 10 hours just to get on a standby flight. We were pretty spent by this point, so we went back to Casa Fuente so I could select the perfect cigar for the last one of my 20s. At midnight, Randi brought up three ho-hos with candles in them, and we toasted the end of my 20s and the beginning of my 30s.

Day Six: March 16th- My birthday. At this point it was actually painful to drink and gamble. We tried to have a good time, but since we had to check out of our room by noon, we were without a country and just walked around until we couldn’t take it anymore. We went to the airport early and called it a vacation.

I know this isn’t a sentimental blog, but I do want to thank Randi for putting together a trip of a lifetime. I also want to thank Cutty for the sweet, sweet Crown. I want to thank the Hoffa family for coming to Vegas to celebrate my birthday. I have incredible friends, and this was the best birthday ever. Thanks, guys. It meant the world.