tellhimfred.com

It’ll do strange things to a body.  For instance, I voluntarily watched half an episode of “ America’s Next Top Model.”  I don’t know why I did it, only that I needed something to break the monotony of eating pepper, onion and mushroom pizza from Mangia and playing Resident Evil 5.   Seriously, that’s pretty much it.  No, wait that’s not true. I did watch about 23 episodes of “30 Rock”, which I am convinced is the funniest show on TV, whereas “America’s Next Top Model” is to television programming what Popeye’s is to food:  prolonged consumption will make you both sick and stupid.  But yeah, it’s pathetic. No, I’m not a morbidly obese shut-in who’s likely to die facedown in a bowl of spaghetti with my feet tied together with barbed wire, nor am I an agoraphobic curtain-peeker who thinks the men at the bus stop are listening to his conversations.  I’m pretty much just a wuss, and I don’t want to deal with going down the stairs on crutches.
 
 Besides, where would I go once I got downstairs?  The only places within walking distance are Papa John’s, Subway and the liquor store.

 OK, well…question answered.  But as Calista Flockhart said while despondently staring at the Craft Services table:  “what’s my motivation?”

 Society has gotten to the place where a person can live a relatively socially acceptable life completely indoors, and not be deemed the neighborhood crazy (unless of course they want that.)  People work from their homes all the time.  According to the TV people, I can make a perfectly good living buying and selling on Ebay.  I have foodler to bring me chicken parm subs and Michelob, Peapod if I want to pretend to be a little more healthy and active.  Plus you have to get TP every now and then. But is that what I want?  After this weekend, I can firmly say the answer is No Thank You.  What I want is the cheerleader’s goddamn power so I can take this stupid cast off and go jump off some more scaffolding.