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- I had a dream in which my wife and I were somehow kidnapped by a cannibal cult, led by my good friend Loki. The cult consisted of all sorts of different people from all walks of life. The deal was, join them, or they’d let you go, then find a way to kill you and make it look like an accident. They wouldn’t let us go from their bbq party till we’d eaten some “long pig”. We both ate it, and left, then had an action movie sequence where we managed to get to the police alive, somehow.

- After the tenth high school reunion, who really gives a shit about seeing people you have no contact with anymore, that you happened to share classroom space with years ago? I can’t imagine how high school reunions are relevant anymore.

- I thought about the high school reunion thing this morning before I left for work, and on the train to work later in the morning, saw someone I graduated with. I pretended I didn’t know her, and she very politely did the same for me. I didn’t remember her name anyway.

- I don’t really know why I would have had a dream about being kidnapped by a cannibal cult, then wake up and think about high school reunions.

- There’s nothing more disgusting than a guy who talks on his cell phone while taking a dump in a public bathroom, except maybe a guy who audibly spits on his toilet paper in the public bathroom. I almost yacked today.

- Its easy to be brave behind a keyboard, but its even easier to be brave behind the controls of an M1 Abrams. Sabot rounds solve internet arguments.

- Is it wrong that there are beers I want to know in the biblical sense? Probably.

- The BBC is the greatest source of broadcast entertainment in the known world. There are countless unbelievably great shows, movies, documentaries and news programs that come out of the sceptered isle. Yet in this country, people still post about “The Bachelor” on Facebook.

- I am addicted to making ice cream for people. The more exotic and odd your flavor combination is, the more I view it as a challenge. Enough with this “chocolate” and “mint chip” BS. I want someone to ask me for “cucumber ripple”.

- I once read a book about a kid whose uncle raised him, and the uncle owned an ice cream parlor, and made a flavor called “cucumber ripple”. For some reason that always sounded awesome to me.

- I’m beginning to understand why there’s this stereotype of “don’t argue with your wife, you’ll lose”. The other day I was thinking “jeez, why doesn’t my wife ever put the tray back in the toaster oven when she’s done!” I imagined how that argument would go in my head, and it resulted in her asking me why

o I seldom replace the TP roll

o I leave wet towels on the bed in the morning

o I take off my shoes in the hallway

o I leave a light on 95% of the time I leave for work in the morning

o I have yet to fix the toilet despite it having been several months that I said I would do so.

and I realized there were probably two or three that I didn’t even know about, and I figured maybe I’ll just shut up about the toaster. I should really fix that toilet this weekend.

- My wife thinks its really weird that I would be asked to grow a beard for the wedding I’m in this summer. I, on the other hand, look at it as a fun and exciting challenge. I want to grow a Zack Galiafinakis beard, but I think I probably won’t make it by June. I can probably shoot for Unabomber though.